Pride is an ugly thing and it spews out of me from time to time. Pride is the ugly result of me building my life around my needs and wants. Pride makes us do stupid things in the name of vanity. Pride feels no outward shame or pain and will go to great lengths to be noticed. Pride screams “Look at me!! Look at me!! ” Do you see me?” “Notice me!” Notice me!”
Pride feels no cold in the winter or heat in the summer. It is what allows people to not wear coats in the winter so they can be noticed and dress in barely nothing in the summer. In my case pride resulted from a $10 purchase at a garage sale.
Last year I bought a used Coach purse for $10 at a garage sale. I had never owned a Coach purse before yet alone expected to find one at garage sale in the country. The sale owner wanted $25 for the purse originally. However I could not justify spending $25 on myself. The purse had a tiny wire poking out of the bottom of the purse and I used this as negotiating tool to have the price reduced to $10!! I was so ecstatic! I couldn’t wait to get home and transfer all my stuff into it!! My husband was able to clip the tiny wire hanging out of the purse and maneuver it back in. It looked like a million bucks! You absolutely could not tell anything was ever wrong with it!
The instant I transferred my stuff to my new purse and swung it over my shoulder something in me changed. It was my Eve biting into the fruit moment! I started this cycle of acting ridiculous in regards to this purse! Here is a list of some of my ridiculousness:
- I had to set the purse down just right so I wouldn’t scratch the leather on the bottom. This included everywhere I went, in the car, at church, in the house. It was EXHAUSTING!!
- Daily I would wipe down the leather on the purse so it would shine.
- I would check it frequently for dirt and oil stains.
- I would instantly stand a little taller and straighter with it on my shoulder.
- I would wonder if other people noticed it.
- I would notice other people who had Coach purses. This purse was constantly on my brain.
- I would dream about it at night. I know I’m pathetic, right?
- I felt guilty bringing it to church. I knew my obsession with this purse was not normal.
I began to talk to God about this in my prayer time. I told Him how out of control I was and asked Him if I should get rid of it. Weeks and weeks began to go by and my flesh was still waging against my spirit. Why should I get rid of it, it’s just a purse I would reason with myself. My my spirit knew it was MORE. I had made it an idol, and had my thoughts and actions consumed by it. Not to mention my pride. I was proud about it. Sick. I know after all it’s just a purse. Still more and more weeks continued to go by and I was still struggling with guilt and anguish, and doing all my ridiculousness with the purse, and crying out to God for help.
Finally I decided to get rid of the purse. Actually, I shouldn’t say finally because God had been trying to tell me that all along. I knew it in my spirit and that’s why I had this inner struggle about it. I didn’t want God’s answer and will, I wanted my own. That’s Pride and I was guilty of it.
But it doesn’t stop there. You would think that once I decided to get rid of the purse all of my problems would be solved, right? Wrong! There is a big difference between deciding to do something in your mind and then physically going through with it. I knew I was going to get rid of it but I was taking my time about it. I was lingering in my sin, not sure if I really wanted to give it up. I was like a drug addict clinging to drugs, except it wasn’t drugs it was my Coach purse. Everyday I would wake up and think to myself today is the day I’m going to get rid of the purse. only to sit in the living room and stare at it, and continue to use it. Days kept going by and still I had the purse. This was creating major chaos inside of me. Finally, I decided enough is enough. I emptied out the entire contents of the purse, put it in a box and mailed it to my mother-in-law.
It was amazing as soon as it left my hands I felt free. Free not to think about it, free not to dream about it, free not to waste countless minutes grooming it—Free!
Wouldn’t you know it after a few months my mother-in-law gave it back to me. It was like the devil was mocking me as she handed me back the purse. As soon as I had it in my hands my mind began to fixate on it again. I knew I had to get rid of it fast–like a hot potato, before it destroyed me, and consumed me again!! So I quickly gave it to my sister and haven’t looked back since.
Isn’t it amazing what pride can do to you? Feel free to share your own struggles with pride below.
Scriptures to meditate on:
Galatians 5:16 – [This] I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh
Galatians 5:17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
Romans 7:23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
Romans 8:5 – For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.